Today after work I decided that I had better go to the mall to buy my secretaries gifts so they don't whine. They are so status quo. So anyway, I was standing in this unreal line at the Pottery Barn when some little snot-nosed punk of kid steps on my tail! He just picks up his little sweatshop-sneakered foot and slams it into my beautiful blue tail. The nerve! So of course, I turn around and snarl at him. Then he starts freaking out and crying and screaming, "Don't eat me!". I wasn't planning on eating him, jeez, I just had this ginourmous burrito right before that. Anyway, his pear-shaped fat bottomed, white bread, mini van driving mother starts screaming at me. "What did you do to my baby!" I'm like, "Lady, your baby stepped on my tail." And ok, maybe I was being a little sarcastic, but come on! So then, to add insult to injury, these rent-a-cops come out of nowhere and tell me that I gotta leave. !!!!
So I said "Fine, I didn't want to buy these f-ing cappuchino mugs anyway!"

They are so getting lottery tickets for Christmas.

Today some asshat in an SUV cut me off on the way to work. Stupid human! Doesn't he know that I can crush him AND his Escalade?!?!

Sigh. Anyway, I've decided to join one of those online dating services. I'm not sure if I am being too picky, but these are the things that I am looking for in mate:
1. must love raw meat, stomping, and burninating
2. must love a guy with a little extra baggage
3. needs to take pride in her teeth

Well, I'm off to sharpen my knife collection. Peace out.





P.S. If I was a DJ my name would be C.G. the Burninator.

Today I am excising some rotten molars. I'm really looking forward to it. Hopefully after work some of the guys will want to go out for drinks. Maybe they will ask me to come with them this time. Talons crossed!

Today Judy from filing said that I was looking bluer than usual. I think maybe it's the weather- but I have been feeling a little down lately. I think I need to get back into stomping. I never felt more alive then when I was crushing a Windstar van full of little soccer players. Oh, to hear their screams again...